Query:
My partner’ s ogling and roving gaze really embarrass me. Whenever we step out to meet people or visit a mall, I can see that he stares at other women. I tend to ignore it but it feels so awkward when I see women feeling uncomfortable with it. How do I tell him that he needs to stop it? Once when I told him, he said he was observing her shoes and felt I could wear something similar, too.
Hello!
This is a common issue among couples; regardless of them being straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual. Contrary to popular belief, ogling an attractive stranger is perfectly normal. It is impossible to be in the presence of someone good looking and not notice them. This is just the way nature has wired us.
Your feeling of discomfort towards the situation is equally normal. This sense of insecurity or jealousy is not unjustified. I am certain that if you were the one to look at any of his friends or random stranger with desire or lust, he is going to feel uncomfortable, too.
Your husband lied to you by saying he was only checking her shoes to avoid an argument. And based on his reaction, I can assume you have addressed your dislike for his ogling before.
REASONS
There are two reasons why women may feel uncomfortable when a man stares at them. The first one is due to the presence of their partner, or the partner of the man staring at them. Of course this is tied to fear of friction. The second one is because the look is concerning.
Allow me to explain. In a world where both the man and the woman being stared are single, the ogling becomes a sign of interest. But if either are with their partners, then conflict can arise from ‘why are you looking at my woman’ or ‘why are you looking at her’, as in your case.
In the second instance, when the look is too aggressive, women feel uncomfortable because they do not know if this man is going to kidnap them, dismember them, or God knows what else. We are talking about that creepy look here. So, the women you mention may feel uncomfortable either because you are present, or because your husband is giving them the hibbie jibbies.
ENJOY THE VIEW
You know your husband. Therefore, if he is just a regular human being, like the rest of us, who is just an admirer of nature’s work, please understand that him looking at other women does not mean he is not attracted to you, that he is dissatisfied with you, or that he wants to leave you. Him looking at other women has nothing to do with you, just as you looking at a handsome man has nothing to do with him.
Your husband ogling other women has no more significance then him looking at a sports car, motorcycle, artwork, or menu. Him ogling other women does not take away from the way he feels about you. Instead of being upset with him, look around; and take the time to enjoy what nature has out there. However, if his looks are creepy, you need to be more concerned for yourself instead of the strangers in the mall.
https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/
