Hello,

I’ve been with my fiancé for a year and a half and am currently 8 months pregnant with my first child by him.  Our relationship is 95% perfect but he’s a struggling alcoholic who has recently gotten himself into some serious legal trouble and will be going to jail very soon and could possibly do a lot of time locked up.

He is the kindest, most generous and sweetest man I’ve ever dated. I love him more than anyone I’ve ever been with. I want more than anything to be with him and wish we could avoid this. I’m not sure if I should wait for him to get out? Should I leave him and move on? If not, how can I support him while he is in there? Is there any hope to save our relationship? How can this affect our son? Just need advice because my life is currently turned upside down and could use outside perspectives.

Hello my dear,

What a horrible thing to be faced with at such a precious time in life. My heart aches for you. Unfortunately, addiction is not only difficult on those who suffer from it, but it has the power to also ravage their loved ones. Being with a struggling alcoholic can take a tall on a person’s psyche. I cannot even imagine what it can do to a pregnant woman.

The decision to leave him or wait for him is not something you have to make now. Right now, your priority is the safe and healthy delivery of your baby. All your energy should be channeled on making sure stress does not complicate or affect the birth.

I am a firm believer in hope and the human ability for redemption. Anyone can turn his or her life around. But they must want it. If this individual is indeed as kind and as caring as you state he is, then he is worth the fight. Jail time may be the awakening he needs to get his life back on track, and recover from being a struggling alcoholic. Understand everything happens for a reason; and in the end, all things work for good.

Even if you do decide to break up with him, at this point your lives are forever tied to one another through the child you are carrying. The rest of us can say stay or leave, but what matters mostly is the conversation you are going to have with him. What are his intentions? To what extent does he take accountability? What are the steps he is going to engage towards recovery? What triggered relapse?

HONESTY

The next conversation you are going to need to have is with yourself. Addiction and relapse go hand in hand. Like family members of individuals who suffer from mental illness, you must understand and accept the journey is long and arduous. A person can be sober for ten, fifteen, thirty years and still relapse. The battle with addiction is daily and lifelong. Are you able to deal with this?

Love is a beautiful thing. However, it is not enough. If you decide to stay on this path, you will need strength, forgiveness, compassion, commitment, hope, patience, understanding, vulnerability to ask for help for yourself and so much more.

First, give birth as peacefully as you can. Then, tune into your soul and listen. The answers to guide you will come to you day by day. The best advice is within you. If you trust your inner compass, it will guide you to wherever you are meant to be.

Tonight you will be in my prayers. I pray you have strength to deliver your child peacefully, and that you get to experience the joy of holding a miracle in your arms. Divine guidance will lead you to your destination. Finally, I pray for your partner; may he find the healing he deserves and rise to be who he is meant to be, a wonderful partner and father.

I will leave you with this song. I hope it give you the much-needed comfort.

Take care and keep me posted.